EFFING THE INEFFABLE

Ending War Apr 06, 2023

Tyranny has anchored us in the idea that we need to engage with war. Much of our understanding of how to be in the world is about this warriorship--toughness, obeying orders, protecting,...

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Crisis and Safety: Two Ways to Surrender Mar 31, 2023

Crisis and safety both inspire surrender.

If you're accustomed to crisis, a partnership in which crisis inspires the surrender, vulnerability, and investment will feel just right to your nervous...

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Is the Habit of Argument Destroying Your Connections? Mar 24, 2023

If you only know argument, you aren't experiencing the full connection that may be available to you.

Argument is insidious, and people in argumentative habits and orientations often don't even see...

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Following is NOT like Backseat Driving #followschool Mar 14, 2023

Someone asked me about the difference between following and backseat driving, and I think it's a fun opportunity to swerve over from a dance metaphor into a driving one.

Backseat driving is where...

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On-Beat #followschool Mar 14, 2023

When he's off-beat, I stay on-beat.

This is one of many instances when great following means not following the leader. The leader's authority is governed by his harmony with the larger...

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Freedom in Savagery Mar 14, 2023

A frequent comment about my work is that I'm uplifting without the "toxic positivity."   

Yeah, bruh.  

The core of my work is a burning, painful, savage acceptance of grief.

...

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What is the Purpose of Partnership? #followschool #framework Mar 13, 2023

The purpose I choose to assign my relationships is one of play.

I've tried out other purposes, and they're just not that great.

Play is the thing that people are doing when we think "oh, they're so...

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Following is EQUAL to Leading #followschool Mar 13, 2023

I was raised to understand that I was a brilliant child.

The potential that adults saw in my intelligence led them to offer me many opportunities.

Also I was obnoxious and annoying and intolerant...

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Healing the Anxious Avoidant Dynamic #followschool Mar 13, 2023

The anxious-avoidant dynamic is a failure of compression and stretch.

In dance, if your partner leans away, you need to lean away to come into stretch.

If your partner leans in, you need to lean in...

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Red Flags in Myself Mar 13, 2023

I do not look for red flags in others' behavior. That's a losing game--it keeps me focused on the other person and whether their behavior is acceptable.

I look for the red flags in myself, in what...

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