EFFING THE INEFFABLE

Tyranny has anchored us in the idea that we need to engage with war. Much of our understanding of how to be in the world is about this warriorship--toughness, obeying orders, protecting,...

Crisis and safety both inspire surrender.

If you're accustomed to crisis, a partnership in which crisis inspires the surrender, vulnerability, and investment will feel just right to your nervous...

If you only know argument, you aren't experiencing the full connection that may be available to you.

Argument is insidious, and people in argumentative habits and orientations often don't even see...

Someone asked me about the difference between following and backseat driving, and I think it's a fun opportunity to swerve over from a dance metaphor into a driving one.

Backseat driving is where...

When he's off-beat, I stay on-beat.

This is one of many instances when great following means not following the leader. The leader's authority is governed by his harmony with the larger...

A frequent comment about my work is that I'm uplifting without the "toxic positivity."   

Yeah, bruh.  

The core of my work is a burning, painful, savage acceptance of grief.

...

The purpose I choose to assign my relationships is one of play.

I've tried out other purposes, and they're just not that great.

Play is the thing that people are doing when we think "oh, they're so...

I was raised to understand that I was a brilliant child.

The potential that adults saw in my intelligence led them to offer me many opportunities.

Also I was obnoxious and annoying and intolerant...

The anxious-avoidant dynamic is a failure of compression and stretch.

In dance, if your partner leans away, you need to lean away to come into stretch.

If your partner leans in, you need to lean in...

I do not look for red flags in others' behavior. That's a losing game--it keeps me focused on the other person and whether their behavior is acceptable.

I look for the red flags in myself, in what...